My new favorite PLZ icon of the day:

omg ik klikte per ongeluk op unwatch! (en daarna gelukkig snel weer op watch) maar als je een message in je inbox ziet dan weet je dus hoe dat komt haha DOH ><

Did you want a Critique from me? I know you gave me one and I have a deal that if you give me one I will give you one if you want it.

And I haven't forgot about the long reply. Just haven't gotten to it yet. Just so you know. Will do it soon.

You know, there are SO many ways you hint at a character being a traitor in disguise. It can come from a look in their eyes that just seems off-putting, but no one thinks anything of it. A great way to do it is through little shows of dishonesty. You can also use a method of trickery used by witches who want to gain someone's trust for a purpose like this: tell a small truth so the future victim will later believe your big lie. Philosophy could discreetly come up in a conversation about a mission the characters just completed, and it is revealed that the betrayer has a different philosophy than the others, or, to do it more subtly, they believe the same basic things as the others, but believes them for different reasons, or they believe in the same things but differ in how those things should be done.

You could do it in a big way with a meeting between them and a shady character, or in a small way by making them seem too good, or you can do it in a very subtle way, like where all the characters are fighting for the same side, but while the others are fighting like patriots, the betrayer seems to be fighting like a mercenary, and hold mercenary beliefs, so at first they all seem the same, but then in situations where a patriot would do one thing, a mercenary would do another, and the difference begins to show.

Another way would be to show them constantly focusing their attention or desire on something they're not allowed to have. Like I watched an old black and white movie about a little 8-year-old girl that was a murderer, killing off all the adults, and at the end of the movie she really liked the bird that the nice woman from down the road who was always kind to her had, and that's how you knew she was gonna try to murder that woman at the end of the movie to get that pretty bird.

In fact, you could even put in all the hints, but still make it so the betrayer wasn't planning anything. They just had questionable morals within the friendship. And then, either they got tempted by something and gave into the temptation of betraying their friends, or they got into a fight with a friend and betrayed them out of spite.

There are SO MANY ways to do this.

I hope you actually were trying to write a character who betrays their friends, and not just using that as nothing more than an example!

Now I'm going to put a more meaningful Reply on your Profile, since I managed to get back before you got to Reply to my "ten page story" lol
*sigh*
Teenagers always write fantasy stories-*shot*
But your response you started with...
Come on! You're more creative and smart than for that to be a problem for you! Just because your story's fantasy doesn't mean you can't use any of those kinds of example elements. After listening to your last Reply on AliHutch's page where you were telling me what your story needs, I think the one I wrote pretty much does all those things. It just doesn't do them for YOUR particular story. And that's good, because I sure didn't want to write your story for you! After all, it IS your story!

Here's another relevant Daily Deviation to look at. In that story, the girl, and later the boy, want to write about fantasy things, and don't see how reality has anything to do with it, but the discoveries made in that story show that reality has tremendous use/application in fantasy, and also, since virtually all characters are either going to be human, practically human, or based on humans, being more or less human than we are, studying what makes non-fantasy works is very useful in writing good fantasy.

The general plot in that story was advancing pretty quickly, but say in that story I wrote that I wanted to eventually make "neighbor girl" a big deal. Well, between a previous description of neighbor girl that happened before the part I wrote (You know, the part where her FACE is described ) and the stuff that happened IN the story, and the thing I said might happen after the story with the two girls, and maybe granny being involved, the stage was set to gradually introduce her as an important character of conflict. When she was originally described, no one would have any clue that she was going to be trouble because the story before what I wrote you was just describing what she looked like at that she was the neighbor. No one would suspect a thing. Then after the "key scene", people might think that was trouble, but still not think anything of her in particular. THEN there's a scene after what I wrote where maybe the girlfriend talks to the neighbor and some people might suspect something bad to happen later, where others might just think that that scene is more about the feelings of the girlfriend and the troubles she's having, and how she has to overcome them, and then only later do readers all discover that the neighbor girl really was going to be trouble for the couple all along.

See?

And the scenes that I did write also set things up for something that was happening very soon, because then there was a part with the bad guys, and then the second relaxed day, and it's conflicts.

The best way to write really good fantasy is to look at reality and try to find examples of places where even thought the fantasy world is so different, things there can still follow many of the same paths or patterns reality does, but with a twist. Or you can also write a really weird story where nothing goes the way reality says it should, but in order to write a story like that well, one would need to be an absolute master of reality, so you could warp everything away from it properly and turn it all masterfully on it's head.

Since you should already remember where to find my long story I gave you, I put this Comment here so you can reply here about the story and I'll get it so AliHutch doesn't have to. She doesn't have to have her story's page overflowing with OUR stories and story-length comments, lol.